These 2 In Italy

In December, I took a road trip with Samantha and Miranda to Joshua Tree.

It was that trip that declared “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” by U2 as my spirit song—one that shape-shifts with time, depending on where I am and who I’m becoming.

In that period of my life, it embodied three girls embracing their last teenage year before the big 20-something world—and simply panicking about the amount of life changes up ahead.

And mostly, about how little they felt they had figured out.

Where they were going. What they were looking for.

The biggest search?

Romantic love.

The friendship, though—that was most definitely found.

The next time my spirit song played was months later, in a Spanish taxi, as I moved from my family friends’ home to my new apartment in Barcelona.

This time, the search looked different.

All alone in a foreign country, I was looking for everything: friendship, experience, growth, and a new version of myself.

I realized that even though I’d done all this work to be “found” back home, arriving here meant starting over again.

I had to search for the things I’d grown comfortable enough to assume I’d always have.

Back in Joshua Tree, the less gut-wrenching song on the same U2 album was also on repeat: “With or Without You.”

It became the anthem of our upcoming separation—Samantha to Italy, Miranda to New York, and me to Barcelona.

Even without each other’s physical presence, we’d always have our transcendent friendship.

Later, that song took on new meaning.

Throughout my relationship with Mr. International, music has been our love language. We share songs when they remind us of each other.

In his beautiful words, “listening to music and remembering someone is the highest form of feeling.”

I once sent him “With or Without You” to show him how much I admire that I’ve escaped anxious attachment with him (lol).

That regardless of being beside him or not, I am a better, fuller version of myself.

Naturally, later that morning, I walked into my school café—and there it was, blasting.

…

Lately, I’ve been really into old, classic, timeless music.

Lots of love songs—big shocker.

Otis Redding, Sam Cooke, Etta James.

A little intermission from the emotional rollercoaster that is U2.

But U2 wasn’t done with me.

For spring break, I’m traveling through Italy with my two infamous girls I met crossing the street.

While getting ready to take on Venice, we played the two infamous songs:

“With or Without You” and “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”

Even with the incredible views’ convincing attempt to distract us and wipe our minds clear, we still found ourselves humming the two masterpieces throughout the day.

Later, we ended up on a mission for the best Venetian lasagna. We were directed to a local spot 15 minutes away (which, with us, meant 30).

So please explain how, as we walked into this little restaurant, those two songs—those exact two songs—were playing.

In. A. Row.

…

Two days later, we arrived in Florence, where I reunited with Samantha.

Four months post-Joshua Tree, we had a lot to unpack.

What we’ve found without each other, and what we’re still searching for.

It was beautiful.

Especially that she got to meet and bond with my two fated friends.

And fate truly is the right word.

Because that night, the four of us went to a jazz club in Florence.

The theme?

‘90s rock.

And I still don’t know how to explain that “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” was played live in a Florentine jazz club.

But I do know this:

I’ve found two more soulmates.

And finally—romantic love.

I still haven’t found it all—but I definitely know what I’m looking for.